MISTER MALAPROP

Mongol General: Conan! What is best in life?

Conan the Barbarian: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, to hear the lamentation of their women, and to drink up all of their chocolate.

Mongol General: That is good! That is good.

- Conan the Barbarian (1982)

At breakfast this morning, one of the Minyan Boyz inquired about the Flavor of the Day. The Local Bagel and Smoked Fish Emporium, you see, offers flavored coffee in addition to the traditional choices of Regular and Decaffeinated... so when one is in the mood for coffee that tastes like French Vanilla or Irish Cream (instead of coffee that tastes like, well, coffee), one has the option of selecting the Flavor of the Day.

The servitor responded: “We have Barbarian Chocolate.”

That’s when the above Filmic Dialogue popped into my head. Barbarian Chocolate? Really?

It took us all a moment to realize that what the waiter meant was Bavarian Chocolate. The favorite of those nice folks at Berchtesgaden, no doubt. But from now on, I’m ordering Barbarian Chocolate... and I will do so in a badly-executed Austrian accent, in the style of the recently-deposed Governator.

I do loves me a fine malapropism. Heard any good ones lately?